From "The Beaver" to Beyonce in 50 years...

"Leave it to Beaver" was a popular T.V. show in the late 1950s - early 1960s.  About a middle-class, suburban family, it included Ward (dad), June (mom), Wally (big brother), and The Beaver (little brother).  The show represented the American life of that time period, mainly an intact family and traditional values.  Though the parents were married there was very little outward affection shown, other than a hug or a peck on the cheek.  In fact, when T.V. shows first began, married men and women were not even shown sleeping together in the same bed!

Now fast forward 50 years...

Many were outraged this week by the Super Bowl XLVII Halftime performance of singer Beyonce as well as some of the suggestive commercials which aired during the game.  I read posts on Facebook by  moms and even some grandmas who were clearly upset by what they and their children/grandchildren had just watched.  In their minds, the Super Bowl was no longer "family friendly" viewing.

But, let's face it- how much, if any, television these days would actually be considered "family friendly" viewing?  And what is the definition of  "family friendly" in 2013?

For those of us who are old enough to remember (cough,cough) there used to be a "family viewing hour" on T.V.  Families actually gathered around to watch television together!  The shows were wholesome, funny, and entertaining...void of profanity (not even bleeping it out, it just didn't exist), nudity, sex, etc.

"Leave It To Beaver" ended in June of 1963. Could you imagine the outrage and horror if the very next day "Jersey Shore" or "16 and Pregnant" replaced "Leave It To Beaver"?

Parents would have been livid.  Calls to T.V. stations would have jammed the phone lines.  Even the anchors of the nightly news would be talking about it!

But, as the old saying goes, "Things didn't get this way overnight."
  
It's been a slow, gradual acceptance and a slow, gradual erosion of values, morality, and culture for the last 50 years.

As a mom (my oldest being 16), I began to "sit up and take notice" when my son was in preschool.  My first "AHA" moment came when he asked to watch a cartoon called "Rugrats".  It seemed sweet and innocent at first - a show about toddlers (rugrats) and the troubles they get into.  What bothered me, though, was the way the "rugrats" spoke to each other and the grownups...sassy and disrespectful.  After one episode my son never watched it again.

On that day, back in 1999, I realized that my job as a mom would mean daily deciding what I would and would not allow my son to watch on T.V., as I knew that it could have a negative effect on his behavior.

My concern in writing this post is that I don't want to seem perfect or "holier than thou".  I just want each of us as moms to stop and think about how the daily influences of media may/may not be affecting our children...their speech, their attitudes, and their actions.

As a society, how can we say...

Children are sponges...yet not expect them to absorb what they see and hear?

As a society, how can we say...

Media doesn't influence behavior...yet companies are willing to spend millions of dollars on a 30-second commercial during the Super Bowl?

But as parents, trying to raise children in today's society, what are we supposed to do?!?

We must learn to say, "No."  But not just, "No.".  We must say, "No, because...".

There have been MANY times in the past 16 years where my husband and I have said "No" to our children.  "No" to movies. "No" to television. "No" to music.  And even "No" to books.  
However, with the "no" has come an explanation of "why not" and an alternate suggestion.  It's not a "no" because I said so, but a "no" because as a family this is what we believe.  As a family this is what is best for us. 

My son is 16 and has lived through the "wrath" of our daily discernment.  He never watched "The Rugrats" or "Sponge Bob".  He never listened to pop music on the radio.  He missed out on several blockbuster movies (because of suggestive content).  And he didn't read some of the popular book series that "everyone else was reading". And he actually has lived to tell about it!

And now, as a teenager, he is learning to discern for himself what is/isn't appropriate - to watch, to listen to, and to read.  Is he perfect?  Absolutely not!  However, as a mom, I can sit back and watch the young man he is becoming, and in my heart know that I have done everything possible to guide him - his viewing, his listening, and his choices.

Has it been hard at times? YES.  Has it been worth the effort? ABSOLUTELY!

><> Kelly

P.S.  There are websites that give summaries and content reviews (action, violence, profanity, adult situations, etc.) of movies, T.V., and music.  One of my favorites is www.pluggedinonline.com.

Teens need us as much as toddlers...and sometimes more!

Tonight I went to a Bible study at church, and hubby stayed home with the kids.  Church is only 5 minutes from our house.  The study is one hour.  Total time away from the house- 1 hour and 10 minutes.

30 minutes into the study I received a text from my 16 year old son:  "All homework is done except history, and I'm about to start on that now."

A short, simple text, but it reaffirmed that...

...my teen needs me as much, if not more, than my younger children do.

Though he no longer needs me to tie his shoes, brush his hair, or read him a bedtime story, he needs me for different reasons.  To help with homework.  To fix a late-night snack.  To listen as he tells me about the big catch in his latest fishing tournament...

...but most importantly he needs me to be available and "fully present" when he's ready to reach out.

Teenagers are unique, ever-changing, moody creatures.  Grunts and one-word answers are often the norm.  When my son comes home from school, he's not very talkative.   A couple of "fine"s and "hmmm"s, and that's about it. Then, he's off to his room to "chill" for a while.  However, once he emerges, 30 or so minutes later, he's ready to talk...and I need to be ready to listen.

Author and speaker, Jill Savage, calls it the "Ministry of Availability".  Basically, we need to be ready to listen when our children, especially our teens, are ready to talk.  For me this means putting down the iPad, book, or Bible study, turning off the radio or T.V., telling the little sisters they need to wait,  not answering the phone, checking Facebook, or email...and be "fully present".

My son is 16 and halfway through his Sophomore year of high school.  Assuming he goes away to college, I have exactly 2 1/2 years left with him at home.  Knowing that my time is limited, it is important that I make a conscious, daily choice to be available to him...when he wants to talk, text, give me a one word answer, or even just grunt.